cullenilingus.com tag:www.cullenilingus.com,2008://2 2007-01-16T17:23:38Z No design thus far, and only about 30% of the functionality. But it's coming! Movable Type 3.33 Part one of many, in no particular order tag:www.cullenilingus.com,2007://2.6 2007-01-16T17:14:53Z 2007-01-16T17:23:38Z scwebd: (I'm actually working on my resignation letter as we speak...) starchitect78: beautiful starchitect78: dear sirs: fuck off. yours sincerely, sarah (after the going away drunken lunch for Wendy and me, as we stand down the block on W 3rd,... (after the going away drunken lunch for Wendy and me, as we stand down the block on W 3rd, trying to get Rafe to follow us....) "Rafe!!!" -Wendy (he looks up) "RAAAAAFFFFFFE!!!!!!" -me (he looks up again) "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEE!!!!" -me (laughing, as the rest of the West Village stares us down, bewildered:) (to the onlookers) "She's screaming 'Rafe.' With an 'F.' Really." -Burns (of her Christmas gift, an iPod....) "You may as well throw your money in the river if you won't teach me how to use this thing." -Mom "We'll keep that in mind for next year." -Pat "You know, Edwina.... You have 5 shots of Jack to tear through right there. And remember—the last time I had, what? 2 or 3 shots of Jack Daniel's?! And I went home with a frigging burlesque dancer. So BEWARE." -me "NOW you tell me!" -Edwina scwebd: Dude... that photo could serve as a fantastic promo photo for a "look how happy and well-adjusted our retards are!!" home. eatsdirt: if i ever open a home for the mentally challenged, i'm calling it that eatsdirt: you bet your sweet ass i'm adding those two exclamation points too "Do lesbians have fabulous parties? No. I thought they just sat home and moved into each others apartments..." -bestial me: I'm biking to Sleepy Hollow on Sunday Alodie: um, is that a metaphor? "I almost stole a sweater from The Gap tonight, but it was hand wash only, so I didn't." -anonymous (to the waitress) "Boo, did the samurai tell you to do it?" -Auston "That's okay. I saw him talking and pointing over here, and I thought, uh oh--that samurai means trouble." -Auston scwebd: That is Asian me kicking your ass lasfresas: oo, this is white me looking o so scared lasfresas: tremble lasfresas: tremble scwebd: Bitch. "Jess, c'mon, level with me: when's the last time you stayed up all night when you WEREN'T fucking a Mexican?" -me "It's been awhile." -Jess ebboy17: i am a horrible person ebboy17: i just described the difference between and lesbian and a dyke ebboy17: and i said that dykes look like john goodman and are angry all the time. ebboy17: but lesbians can look sorta like a boy ebboy17: but they aren't as angry and such. "Next year, Auston, when you're still here, we're going to go camping at Assateague Island in Maryland!" -me (getting excited...) "Where's Maryland??!!!?!!!!!" -Auston (he later admits his question, borne of excitement, was intended originally as two questions, "Where is the island?" and "How far away is Maryland?") (...riiiiight) "What I'm saying is--is it POSSIBLE that your vagina is on fire because you're having a fucking BREAKFAST BAR inside of it?!?!!!" -bestial kford31: you tried windows vista yet? kford31: i'm running the beta...it's very similar to being stabbed in the balls kford31: for like two straight hours anonymous: and he has the fattest dick i've ever seen in my life anonymous: it feels like i'm being raped by a bus "While you go out and get pregnant tonight, I'm going to go home and read the autographed memoirs of Our Lord, Joe Eszterhas." -me me: maybe it will be innocuous, and there will be no F&F Alodie: hahahaha -maybe you will sprout wings and start glowing in the dark Alodie: maybe jesus will come on your date too, and turn all your water into wine. or maybe you will F&F "Your uterus has bread on it." -Auston (to Al) (Auston tiredly prepares for bed after a long, inebriated night of ribald celebrations. He calls my name out in panic, and I find him naked in the living room, cowering at the scary, haunting sounds of Silent Hill 2 on the PS2) "Sarah! What IS that?!! I'm too scared to do anything but hold myself inappropriately right now!" -Auston "Don't touch her! She has vaginal tears!" -bestial lasfresas: but i do agree that i deserve better than an american who works like a mexican lasfresas: cause at least mexicans have time for me! (as she colors in a super-activity book....) "I'm trying to find my dream date." -bestial (a beat) "Karl Rove is spelled with a 'k,' right?" -bestial "Is there Snack Wrap-flavored lube?" -Richard "Christmas is for family, not for.... child molesters." -Mom "I am going to drink the g-spot." -bestial "I've done that before. It's pretty good." -me "You guys are all on the vagina train over there." -Jess "And we don't want to get off!" -Edwina "What're you doing?" -Gretchen "Looking at pictures of pretty girls. I'm on the vagina train too, now." -Jess "TOOT, TOOT!" -me "but yeah, if i die, you can trace the murderer through my gmail account. which only you are allowed to break open in such a case." -anonymous (the phone call) Darren: Hi Sarah. Me: Hi Darren, this is God. Will I be seeing you at Slane today for lunch and booze? Darren: Yes. Me: Thank god. I mean, thank myself. (laughter) (of one of the pieces at MoMA) "Hey, Sarah.... is it just me, or is that baby holding a handful of Mike and Ikes?" -Auston "Your gmail inbox needs to be waxed." -bestial (after she changed a co-worker's voicemail message) eatsdirt: i had to change his message eatsdirt: so now it sounds like he has some slutty secretary Alodie: that is the least sexy way a lesbian adventure has ever been described dportsymphonyguy: I love you James Klindt!!!! scwebd: I LOVE HIM sooooo much dportsymphonyguy: I never would have thought murdering your wife would make dating harder dportsymphonyguy: I would think it would make it easier (ie no wife) "Web Production is such a freakshow. Sarah's got one arm, Laura's got an eye patch, and Edwina's black. Throw a fucking circus tent over them!" -Burns me: if you present me with a bread bowl... I will present you with either a web page or phone sex (occupational exchange, baby) Alodie: all day i've been wearing a scarf that i know deep down in my heart might actually be a tablecloth.]]> Quotes feed (Gallina) tag:www.cullenilingus.com,2006://2.5 2006-10-19T15:08:19Z 2006-10-19T17:09:35Z me: Biking to Sleepy Hollow on Sunday Alodie: um, is that a metaphor? thatoneguy410: i love that you have a day job... it makes masturbating soooo much easier (to me) "Maybe you just have a bacon aura surrounding you?" -Susan... (to me) "Maybe you just have a bacon aura surrounding you?" -Susan (reminiscing about our primary school's yearly festival/"carnival" of crap) me: remember the awesome prizes? Alodie: the haunted house scared the hell out of me though and i only went in once and i only got about 6 feet in me: fucking awesome Alodie: YES! I won like 300 pairs of awesome 80's earrrings—there is no way to describe their radness. And the cake walk, which ended in f*ing CAKE (a bit later) me: wow, cake walks are gay. I can't remember, does everyone win cake, or only some people? Alodie: i think that only some people, but if you are really intense you will conquer the others me: wow, that is still undeniably gay ass gay Alodie: i'm getting gay just thinking about it "Well, how do you know she's bi?" -Edwina "Well, she told us some very interesting stories that suggest a.... a very active involvement in lady-sleeping." -me (Rocking out to "Take Your Time (Do It Right)" by the SOS Band) "Wow, this song never ends, does it?" -Wendy "Exactly. Haven't we been 'doing it to her right' for a good ten minutes now?!" -me "Wait, so one-armed lesbians can't play mini golf? But you can kayak? Or are you being 'funny?'" -Pat "Let me clean up, get naked, and we'll eat puddin'! PUDDIN' TIME!!!" -Auston "You can bet she misses your fine ass gears every day. And always will." -bestial (in response to my spasm of laughter) “Have you guys done ANY work today???!! All you guys have done is looked for boyfriends and giggled.” -Jessica (after I come to her, upset w/girl antics) Alodie: ALODOKU DOES FIRE-TYPE ATTACK! x2 DAMAGE!!! "Wow, you're all muddy! What have you been doing?" -Jody "I MAY have been smoothing mud onto first base with my feet...." -me "You may have been?" -Jody "Maybe." -me (ruining our romantic mood) Hey, can you guys stop making out long enough to get off my flip flop? -Juan "I love you no matter whose box you put your crayons in." -bestial eatsdirt: i'm going all the way to jersey to get naked with people and i have to bring my own lunch? f that! (after a detailed discussion of what goes into Scrapple) "That crap is served with EVERY breakfast in the Poconos." -Jessica "I had actually never seen Scrapple until we were camping in Maryland and I saw a bunch of big hicks with thick accents purchasing the largest loaves they could get their hands on." -me "Oh, Scrapple's everywhere down there. It's the state flower, I believe." -Andrew (in an e-mail from Paul) Yes, when pondering the subject of women, I am often reminded of the wise words of Snoop Dogg, who noted that, "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Indeed. "When I don't get my weekly sleepover with you I get jumpy and shit feels weird." -bestial "I just want to go home and have some meatballs. Is that so wrong?" -Edwina Aphr0dite0: well, off to go have some freaky sex "Holy shit, your penis has a poltergeist!" -me Wendy: so did you and/or your drunken cohorts bring any add-ins for the virgin margaritas this afternoon??? LOL (after a thoroughly overdramatic whine about having no "weemen") "Well, there's the one who created a new niche, there's the one that's brown like the tan you almost have, and then there's the one that's round and mean like the SUN and the MOON." -bestial (ZOEY!!!!) "I think a cat is licking my toes. Either that or a brillo pad." -Jenna "Saaaaarah? You know how I'm REALLY bad with names?" -Auston "Yeah." -me "You know how the guy that sucked me off.... his name is Robert?" -Auston "Yeah?" -me "His name is Richard." -Auston scwebd: you're a guy dportsymphonyguy: Oh dportsymphonyguy: I could be a girl dportsymphonyguy: you may never know dportsymphonyguy: Seattle is full of bad juju (with fervor, to Edwina) "I'm NOT going to have ANY of my friends NOT go bowling because they're getting a friggin' booty call. It's just not fair!" -me (to Madison, in all of her early-morning yowling glory) "Shut your hole, fuzzy." -Jenna "OH MY GOD! If I had a black girlfriend, you'd be freaked out, but you have a Puerto Rican boyfriend, and it's no big deal!!" -bestial lasfresas: dont keep working when i look at you lasfresas: like you didn't just scream cooterkins "Sandwiches won't take no brown train. Sandwiches don't have TIME for the brown train." -Edwina (in her rant about most of the states....) Alodie: oklahoma... they are shaped like a pot. they either need to cook me something or get the hell out. "Do you hear that, Annie? It is the sound of you being a douche. It is the soundtrack to our lives." -me (looking at baby pics) "Whose baby is that?" -Edwina "Umm.... I dunno." -me "Yes, you do know!" -Edwina "Is it the gay guy's baby? Is it your baby?" -Jessica "NO!! I told you, I'm not pregnant!" -me "I bet you have a whole slew of kids.... and you just call them (makes air quotes) 'cats.'" -Jessica "AHHH!!!!" -me "Whose baby? So maybe it is that gay guy's baby. Is it?" -Edwina "No.... it's not his baby. His baby is still.... umm.... (searching for the word) brewing." -me (a beat) "No, that's not exactly the right word, huh? hmm...." -me (Edwina cackles) (standing at Broadway and 204th St) "Stand here and look over there [down Broadway.] Am I retarded, or is that a mountain?" -Kate (Auston and I look and can muster no response; a long beat) "I guess that must have been some strong beer." -Kate "I feel like it's only a public service to let firemen make love to you." -bestial]]> guigsuigu tag:www.cullenilingus.com,2006://2.4 2006-10-17T04:44:24Z 2006-10-19T16:34:37Z fyuafyfuvsilouioluiloj This is a pretty, pretty doggie.... fyuafyfuvsilouioluiloj This is a pretty, pretty doggie. Testing tag:www.cullenilingus.com,2006://2.2 2006-10-02T21:25:31Z 2006-10-19T16:34:12Z Test #2.... root directory.... Test #2.... root directory.