Part one of many, in no particular order (cullenilingus.com)

Part one of many, in no particular order

scwebd: (I'm actually working on my resignation letter as we speak...)
starchitect78: beautiful
starchitect78: dear sirs: fuck off. yours sincerely, sarah

(after the going away drunken lunch for Wendy and me, as we stand down the block on W 3rd, trying to get Rafe to follow us....)
"Rafe!!!" -Wendy
(he looks up)
"RAAAAAFFFFFFE!!!!!!" -me
(he looks up again)
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEE!!!!" -me
(laughing, as the rest of the West Village stares us down, bewildered:)
(to the onlookers) "She's screaming 'Rafe.' With an 'F.' Really." -Burns

(of her Christmas gift, an iPod....)
"You may as well throw your money in the river if you won't teach me how to use this thing." -Mom
"We'll keep that in mind for next year." -Pat

"You know, Edwina.... You have 5 shots of Jack to tear through right there. And remember—the last time I had, what? 2 or 3 shots of Jack Daniel's?! And I went home with a frigging burlesque dancer. So BEWARE." -me
"NOW you tell me!" -Edwina

scwebd: Dude... that photo could serve as a fantastic promo photo for a "look how happy and well-adjusted our retards are!!" home.
eatsdirt: if i ever open a home for the mentally challenged, i'm calling it that
eatsdirt: you bet your sweet ass i'm adding those two exclamation points too

"Do lesbians have fabulous parties? No. I thought they just sat home and moved into each others apartments..." -bestial

me: I'm biking to Sleepy Hollow on Sunday
Alodie: um, is that a metaphor?

"I almost stole a sweater from The Gap tonight, but it was hand wash only, so I didn't." -anonymous

(to the waitress) "Boo, did the samurai tell you to do it?" -Auston

"That's okay. I saw him talking and pointing over here, and I thought, uh oh--that samurai means trouble." -Auston

scwebd: That is Asian me kicking your ass
lasfresas: oo, this is white me looking o so scared
lasfresas: tremble
lasfresas: tremble
scwebd: Bitch.

"Jess, c'mon, level with me: when's the last time you stayed up all night when you WEREN'T fucking a Mexican?" -me
"It's been awhile." -Jess

ebboy17: i am a horrible person
ebboy17: i just described the difference between and lesbian and a dyke
ebboy17: and i said that dykes look like john goodman and are angry all the time.
ebboy17: but lesbians can look sorta like a boy
ebboy17: but they aren't as angry and such.

"Next year, Auston, when you're still here, we're going to go camping at Assateague Island in Maryland!" -me
(getting excited...)
"Where's Maryland??!!!?!!!!!" -Auston
(he later admits his question, borne of excitement, was intended originally as two questions, "Where is the island?" and "How far away is Maryland?")
(...riiiiight)

"What I'm saying is--is it POSSIBLE that your vagina is on fire because you're having a fucking BREAKFAST BAR inside of it?!?!!!" -bestial

kford31: you tried windows vista yet?
kford31: i'm running the beta...it's very similar to being stabbed in the balls
kford31: for like two straight hours

anonymous: and he has the fattest dick i've ever seen in my life
anonymous: it feels like i'm being raped by a bus

"While you go out and get pregnant tonight, I'm going to go home and read the autographed memoirs of Our Lord, Joe Eszterhas." -me

me: maybe it will be innocuous, and there will be no F&F
Alodie: hahahaha -maybe you will sprout wings and start glowing in the dark
Alodie: maybe jesus will come on your date too, and turn all your water into wine. or maybe you will F&F

"Your uterus has bread on it." -Auston (to Al)

(Auston tiredly prepares for bed after a long, inebriated night of ribald celebrations. He calls my name out in panic, and I find him naked in the living room, cowering at the scary, haunting sounds of Silent Hill 2 on the PS2)
"Sarah! What IS that?!! I'm too scared to do anything but hold myself inappropriately right now!" -Auston

"Don't touch her! She has vaginal tears!" -bestial

lasfresas: but i do agree that i deserve better than an american who works like a mexican
lasfresas: cause at least mexicans have time for me!

(as she colors in a super-activity book....)
"I'm trying to find my dream date." -bestial
(a beat)
"Karl Rove is spelled with a 'k,' right?" -bestial

"Is there Snack Wrap-flavored lube?" -Richard

"Christmas is for family, not for.... child molesters." -Mom

"I am going to drink the g-spot." -bestial
"I've done that before. It's pretty good." -me

"You guys are all on the vagina train over there." -Jess
"And we don't want to get off!" -Edwina

"What're you doing?" -Gretchen
"Looking at pictures of pretty girls. I'm on the vagina train too, now." -Jess
"TOOT, TOOT!" -me

"but yeah, if i die, you can trace the murderer through my gmail account. which only you are allowed to break open in such a case." -anonymous

(the phone call)
Darren: Hi Sarah.
Me: Hi Darren, this is God. Will I be seeing you at Slane today for lunch and booze?
Darren: Yes.
Me: Thank god. I mean, thank myself.
(laughter)

(of one of the pieces at MoMA)
"Hey, Sarah.... is it just me, or is that baby holding a handful of Mike and Ikes?" -Auston

"Your gmail inbox needs to be waxed." -bestial

(after she changed a co-worker's voicemail message)
eatsdirt: i had to change his message
eatsdirt: so now it sounds like he has some slutty secretary

Alodie: that is the least sexy way a lesbian adventure has ever been described

dportsymphonyguy: I love you James Klindt!!!!
scwebd: I LOVE HIM sooooo much
dportsymphonyguy: I never would have thought murdering your wife would make dating harder
dportsymphonyguy: I would think it would make it easier (ie no wife)

"Web Production is such a freakshow. Sarah's got one arm, Laura's got an eye patch, and Edwina's black. Throw a fucking circus tent over them!" -Burns

me: if you present me with a bread bowl... I will present you with either a web page or phone sex (occupational exchange, baby)

Alodie: all day i've been wearing a scarf that i know deep down in my heart might actually be a tablecloth.

Posted on January 16, 2007 12:14 PM | Permalink

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