cullenilingus.com

me: Biking to Sleepy Hollow on Sunday
Alodie: um, is that a metaphor?

thatoneguy410: i love that you have a day job... it makes masturbating soooo much easier

(to me)
"Maybe you just have a bacon aura surrounding you?" -Susan

(reminiscing about our primary school's yearly festival/"carnival" of crap)
me: remember the awesome prizes?
Alodie: the haunted house scared the hell out of me though and i only went in once and i only got about 6 feet in
me: fucking awesome
Alodie: YES! I won like 300 pairs of awesome 80's earrrings—there is no way to describe their radness. And the cake walk, which ended in f*ing CAKE
(a bit later)
me: wow, cake walks are gay. I can't remember, does everyone win cake, or only some people?
Alodie: i think that only some people, but if you are really intense you will conquer the others
me: wow, that is still undeniably gay ass gay
Alodie: i'm getting gay just thinking about it

"Well, how do you know she's bi?" -Edwina
"Well, she told us some very interesting stories that suggest a.... a very active involvement in lady-sleeping." -me

(Rocking out to "Take Your Time (Do It Right)" by the SOS Band)
"Wow, this song never ends, does it?" -Wendy
"Exactly. Haven't we been 'doing it to her right' for a good ten minutes now?!" -me

"Wait, so one-armed lesbians can't play mini golf? But you can kayak? Or are you being 'funny?'" -Pat

"Let me clean up, get naked, and we'll eat puddin'! PUDDIN' TIME!!!" -Auston

"You can bet she misses your fine ass gears every day. And always will." -bestial

(in response to my spasm of laughter)
“Have you guys done ANY work today???!! All you guys have done is looked for boyfriends and giggled.” -Jessica

(after I come to her, upset w/girl antics)
Alodie: ALODOKU DOES FIRE-TYPE ATTACK! x2 DAMAGE!!!

"Wow, you're all muddy! What have you been doing?" -Jody
"I MAY have been smoothing mud onto first base with my feet...." -me
"You may have been?" -Jody
"Maybe." -me

(ruining our romantic mood)
Hey, can you guys stop making out long enough to get off my flip flop? -Juan

"I love you no matter whose box you put your crayons in." -bestial

eatsdirt: i'm going all the way to jersey to get naked with people and i have to bring my own lunch? f that!

(after a detailed discussion of what goes into Scrapple)
"That crap is served with EVERY breakfast in the Poconos." -Jessica
"I had actually never seen Scrapple until we were camping in Maryland and I saw a bunch of big hicks with thick accents purchasing the largest loaves they could get their hands on." -me
"Oh, Scrapple's everywhere down there. It's the state flower, I believe." -Andrew

(in an e-mail from Paul)
Yes, when pondering the subject of women, I am often reminded of the wise words of Snoop Dogg, who noted that, "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Indeed.

"When I don't get my weekly sleepover with you I get jumpy and shit feels weird." -bestial

"I just want to go home and have some meatballs. Is that so wrong?" -Edwina

Aphr0dite0: well, off to go have some freaky sex

"Holy shit, your penis has a poltergeist!" -me

Wendy: so did you and/or your drunken cohorts bring any add-ins for the virgin margaritas this afternoon??? LOL

(after a thoroughly overdramatic whine about having no "weemen")
"Well, there's the one who created a new niche, there's the one that's brown like the tan you almost have, and then there's the one that's round and mean like the SUN and the MOON." -bestial

(ZOEY!!!!)
"I think a cat is licking my toes. Either that or a brillo pad." -Jenna

"Saaaaarah? You know how I'm REALLY bad with names?" -Auston
"Yeah." -me
"You know how the guy that sucked me off.... his name is Robert?" -Auston
"Yeah?" -me
"His name is Richard." -Auston

scwebd: you're a guy
dportsymphonyguy: Oh
dportsymphonyguy: I could be a girl
dportsymphonyguy: you may never know
dportsymphonyguy: Seattle is full of bad juju

(with fervor, to Edwina)
"I'm NOT going to have ANY of my friends NOT go bowling because they're getting a friggin' booty call. It's just not fair!" -me

(to Madison, in all of her early-morning yowling glory)
"Shut your hole, fuzzy." -Jenna

"OH MY GOD! If I had a black girlfriend, you'd be freaked out, but you have a Puerto Rican boyfriend, and it's no big deal!!" -bestial

lasfresas: dont keep working when i look at you
lasfresas: like you didn't just scream cooterkins

"Sandwiches won't take no brown train. Sandwiches don't have TIME for the brown train." -Edwina

(in her rant about most of the states....)
Alodie: oklahoma... they are shaped like a pot. they either need to cook me something or get the hell out.

"Do you hear that, Annie? It is the sound of you being a douche. It is the soundtrack to our lives." -me

(looking at baby pics)
"Whose baby is that?" -Edwina
"Umm.... I dunno." -me
"Yes, you do know!" -Edwina
"Is it the gay guy's baby? Is it your baby?" -Jessica
"NO!! I told you, I'm not pregnant!" -me
"I bet you have a whole slew of kids.... and you just call them (makes air quotes) 'cats.'" -Jessica
"AHHH!!!!" -me
"Whose baby? So maybe it is that gay guy's baby. Is it?" -Edwina
"No.... it's not his baby. His baby is still.... umm.... (searching for the word) brewing." -me
(a beat)
"No, that's not exactly the right word, huh? hmm...." -me
(Edwina cackles)

(standing at Broadway and 204th St)
"Stand here and look over there [down Broadway.] Am I retarded, or is that a mountain?" -Kate
(Auston and I look and can muster no response; a long beat)
"I guess that must have been some strong beer." -Kate

"I feel like it's only a public service to let firemen make love to you." -bestial